Create a Memory a Day

As adults we often like to refer back to our childhood to teach our children a lesson. We share our memories or certain events in our lives to prove to them that we too, were young once. It's the thing parents do. It's our way to prove to our children and to ourselves that we actually had a life before them! I though, do not have those memories.

I have struggled for most of my adult life, trying to figure out why it is I don't remember my childhood. I know I had one! At least that's what my brothers tell me. I do have glimpses or flashes as some call it but nothing that seems real to me. In fact, there have been times that I have called my brother Kevin, knowing he must think that I was crazy, just to ask him, if something I THOUGHT happened, actually happened. It is Kevin that, without knowing it, has helped to put some pieces of my puzzle together.

While I can recall my elementary school friends, school activities and such, it is life at home that I have struggled with and for me, that has been the toughest part. You see, we lost our mother in 2001 and it was at that time that regaining these memories became more and more important to me. So many questions run through my mind. Why don't I remember? Why don't the stories that my brothers share sound familiar? It's as if they are talking about someone else's life. Not mine. Not me but another little girl.

Now, let me set the record straight, I do have a few memories. For example: The clock I gave my brothers for Christmas one year. I wanted to see if it worked SO I wound it up and THEN wrapped it. The boys, as usual, were giving me a hard time, they heard the box ticking, said "We know what it is!" to which my response was "IT'S NOT A CLOCK!" To this day, they still tease me about that. I also remember a HORRIBLE babysitter we had. Actually, I think she was probably a pretty good babysitter and we were HORRIBLE children. We were terrible one day, my brother Kevin especially (sorry Kev). To teach Kevin a lesson for not listening to her, she locked him out of the house. Exactly what he wanted to happen I might add. To this day, I still can see Kevin's head bobbing up and down outside the kitchen window taunting this poor young woman as she pulled her hair out trying to deal with us, (excuse me a minute while I laugh). I remember the house I grew up in. I remember the day my mother married our step dad but that is where it stops. All I know is that my memories, with my family, stop at 5 years old.

This for me, while it may not sound like a problem to you, has been heartbreaking for me. While Craig and I have sat at the dinner table with the children, there have been many times Craig has told the children about his childhood adventures and I have to say, I have been envious. At the same time though, not remembering has made me purposely create lasting memories for our children.  In our family we say, "Everyday is a day of memories" and it is because of that attitude and my lack of my own memories that the children, one by one, can share what their favorite time, thus far, has been.

Our oldest daughter Helen has said that her favorite memory is she and I, digging through the couch cushions for extra change so that we could drive down to 'Hot n Now' for a large Pepsi and large french fry that we would later share. While that might sound sad, it's nothing but smiles for us. Our son CJ will tell you, that his favorite memory is walking through the front door after school, the first week after I quit my job to stay home and take care of he and his sisters, and smelled chocolate chip cookies baking. His first words to me as he ran into the house was "So this is what it's like to have a Mom waiting for you at home." Still makes me cry. Melissa will tell you that she loves thinking about hiding in grandma's azalea bushes, sitting in the dirt with a bucket digging a hole. Simple but it makes her smile. Candace, well, her memory would be of Daddy scaring her has she sat on the potty. She wet her pants that night and we have never seen Craig laugh as hard since. Nicholas, he has a wonderful memory of laying in bed with grandma sharing a package of Starbursts. It's a picture that I will never get out of my head. Deborah and Matthew, even as young as they are, will tell you that their favorite is the day they got to see Lucy, our beagle, have her first litter of puppies. They sat and watched every last puppy come into this world. It was an amazing night.

There are many, many others and so many more memories to create but it is because we purposely create a memory a day that I have been able to let go of what I don't recall and concentrate on what I have now. The loss of my past still haunts me. I still wonder why and wish that it weren't this way but what Craig and I have created with our children makes what could have been, not so important anymore.

If you are a parent with children still in the home or even a grandparent, aunt uncle or guardian, make a point of, creating a memory a day, if not for you, for the children. I promise you, the rewards you receive in turn, will make it worth it all.
                                                       
                                  The Traditional, making of Dad's Thanksgiving stuffing.