Happy Birthday Matthew Joseph

A little over 7 yrs ago Craig and I traveled to a small farming community in California to meet what could be our new son. As we drove up to the small home in the middle of a cotton field my stomach filled with butterflies. I was excited but at the same time scared at what may lay ahead.
We were told that this 18 month old little boy couldn't or wouldn't talk and at this young age was filled with rage. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that at such a young age, he had rage. What were we doing? Did we want to bring this type of child into our home? All I knew is that, even with all the questions and fears I had, I needed to meet this little person.
As we walked through the front door of the modest farm house, there stood the most beautiful little blonde boy I had ever seen. I remember thinking, "How could someone so angelic looking be so angry? The Social Worker must be wrong." Within minutes though, I was given proof that everything we were told was true.
As I sat down on the floor to introduce myself to this little boy, he looked at me, screamed as if I had hit him, threw his bottle at me and ran and hid under a nearby table. UGH! My heart broke and I immediately wanted to leave but something inside of me, God, told me to stay and leave my heart open to Matthew.
Our first visit with Matthew was very disturbing for me. I couldn't see him ever wanting to be my son. I couldn't see how we were going to be able to give him the help that he needed but at the same time I was picking up the phone, calling his Social Worker and asking him to do whatever he needed to do to bring Matthew home to us. Had I gone insane? The Lord assured me though, that I had not. A week later my little 'Angel' came home to us.
That first night I soon realized that there would be many sleepless nights and days full of screaming, crying and frustration. As the weeks went on, I didn't know if I had it in me to change this little one. I didn't know if he would ever allow me to love him. Again though, The Lord assured me that in time, Matthew would bring us 'joy unspeakable'.
Matthews adoption was finalized in 2003. While we can reminisce of 'what was', it is now as if we are talking about a different child. He is a different child. The little boy that once had no light in his eyes, now has eyes full of joy and love. When Matthew looks up at you with those big bright eyes and tells you that he loves you, not only can you see it but you can feel it. Yes, there are days when his problems can overwhelm me and days when I wish he couldn't talk but when the day is done and I look into his face, I can't imagine my life without him.
While his hair color has changed and he has grown, he is and always will be my Little Blonde Angel.

Happy Birthday Matthew Joseph.